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callmeinfinite: that5hi7cray: angelskeepfallingonmyhead: that5...

Thu, 23 May 2013 02:15:58 -0400

that5hi7cray:

angelskeepfallingonmyhead:

that5hi7cray:

Usually when this kid posts some non comprehensible and unintelligent statuses I choose to ignore him but this status just pissed me off and thought I’d share.

Edit: THE GIRL HELPING ME JUST TURNED.WTH.

I SAW THIS AND NEARLY SHAT MYSELF. However, a nicely worded argument my friend, way to not just cuss him out like I sincerely wanted to.

thanks dearie. five hours later the dumbasses continue and i swear each comment lowers my iq. since theres no point in arguing with these morons i thought i’d just rant more on here:

According to The FBI Terrorism Report shows…[that] the highest number of terrorist incidents in the U.S. by region (90) took place in Puerto Rico.
It is also quite evident that (as stated previously Jewish Defense League) there are more Jewish Extremists than Islamic Extremists. I’m in no way saying that these extremists aren’t a threat, they certainly do exist but they are grossly exaggerated as seen in this graph. Read more here

babe i got chu i am on this right now.

I took a moment.

Sun, 19 May 2013 03:28:08 -0400

And I listened to myself.
And I realized something.
I’m fucking annoying.
I mean people decide to put up with me?
Day in day out?
And the ones who don’t…
I don’t blame them.
Over and over its me complaining.
Over and over its something wrong.
Over and over I’m done.
Over and over its my struggle.
Do I ever listen to anyone else?
I mean I barely listened to myself.
I don’t blame people for leaving me behind.
I get it.
I’m just not worth the trouble.

I do have one apology.

Sun, 05 May 2013 01:34:17 -0400

I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for you.

Hi Trevor.

Sat, 04 May 2013 03:27:55 -0400

What’s that?
New diagnosis?
My mistake.
Re-diagnosis.
You were right the first time?

Guess you were.

So,

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 15:47:38 -0400

This is what I am.
I’m the mistake.
The mistake to have given birth to.
The mistake to have dated.
The mistake to have kissed.
The mistake to have given a second chance.
The mistake to talk to.
The mistake to listen to.

That’s my life.
Living like people would rather have me anywhere else.
But here.

Things will never end well.

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 02:54:29 -0400

And that’s my fault.

All the confidants gone, away, or not desiring to hear me.

No one else’s words to chase away all the dangerous thoughts.

Trapped alone with the endless repercussions of my own thoughts.

Photo

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 22:22:31 -0400

That's all I've ever been.

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 23:04:46 -0400

“The Mistake”

euf0ri: such an intense video. dont bully people its never ok.

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 23:43:16 -0400

euf0ri:

such an intense video. dont bully people its never ok.

I hate myself.

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 22:47:23 -0400

Good thing it’s easy.

Everything.

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 01:18:13 -0400

Whatever.
It seems you don’t care.
And I don’t blame you.
How could I not?
How could you care for me if I can’t care for myself?
It’s over all over so stupid so done.
Why?!
Is this it?!
Anger? Pain? Just this?
Is this it?!
Is this how weak I am?
Or just how stupid I am?
I don’t get it.
Is this fair?!
How could anything make sense at this point.
Therapy therapy.
Drugs drugs.
Tests tests.
Pills pills.
Suicidal impulses.
How?!
Why?!
What does it mean?
What does it matter?
Will I just snap?!
And break?!
Will I do some hurting or be hurt?
Who?
Why?
Where?
When?
What’s the point?
Circles circles circles.
What’s it all about?!

Happy?

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 23:43:16 -0400

Happy. Happy. Happy.
Again happy?
Hm.
That should keep philosophers busy.
What does it mean to be happy?
Happy?
Happy. Happy. Happy.

I wouldn’t be thinking like this if I weren’t listening to this music.
Re-reading those old notes. Those old posts. Those old entries. But isn’t that what a journal is for? To write about now and read
about later.
Oh well.
Just two words.
Said too often.
Only to myself.
Only to reassure me.
That it all goes on.
But is that happy?
Happy?
Happy. Happy. Happy.

Photo

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 02:02:42 -0400

The thing about psychiatry.

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 20:00:38 -0400

Is that I go in there. To a small room. That seems rather lavishly furnished. To a man I trust. But I feel forced to trust. Because what other choice is there. I go I there and he judges me. He answers my questions and I answer his. I tell him of my struggles in the home. How I will trust no one completely. Because the moment I do they get ripped out in a violent fashion. I tell him what it feels like to be at the wrong end of a gun’s barrel. What it feels like to hear one gunshot, and see only one body drop. What it’s like to give up everything for someone and it doesn’t seem to be enough. I tell him I don’t feel I have enough to offer. That it must be the only answer. That I cannot complete someone’s every desire and whim, when that’s all I want to do. He writes down on a paper the name of some little pills to take over and over again. To keep the demons at bay. I tell him I feel I shouldn’t take them. At this point I must not deserve it.
But now this is the reason I hate it.
I feel that my psychiatrist, is the one who knows me best.
Not a loved one. Someone I was forced to trust.

was ist los Dietrich? Es sieht aus wie das Feuer die Augen verlassen hat

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 14:47:26 -0400

After the way this year has been going.
Today.
Those were the last words I needed to hear.
I still remember the day he told about that Feuer.

es sieht aus wie haben Sie zu.
But who can blame you.
You’ve lost so much.
In under a year.
Just like me.

es war immer eine Freude, Sie, Herr Schuster weiß.
freundlichen Grüßen,
Dietrich V. Schneider

Staying in the attic.

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 21:37:32 -0400

What have I become?
Everyone I know goes away in the end.
And you could have it all.
You are someone else.
I am still right here.

It’s been a long time since I’ve played guitar.
I’ve never sung that song before.
It’s been awhile since I’ve opened that case that for “defense.”
I’ve become something twisted.
So clear now.
How whoever I meet I leave a wake of destruction.
Nothing but pain?
Well I’m a downer aren’t I?

A broken bottle with pills scattered around it.
It’s not an OD.
It’s a quitting of medication.

Burning papers.
And only more guitar.
And only more terrible singing.
From a terrible voice.
Still being a downer?

Angry?
Probably.
That’s ok I am too.
But not at you.
At myself.
For being stupid.
So stupid.
For putting you through things without realizing it.
I’m sorry.
Probably doesn’t matter.
Oh well.
Am I still a downer?
Probably.

You know?

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 22:11:20 -0400

Those times where you fuck up?
Beyond measure.
So done.
I deserve this I guess.
That’s fine.
Oh well.
Not going to care anymore.

If I hurt people without knowing it,

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 02:06:36 -0400

Then maybe I need to hurt myself while knowing it.
I’m going to ask her if I can go again.
Because I know she doesn’t want to hear it.
I’m not going to take my medication tomorrow.
Because that’s what I deserve.
At this point all I do is fuck up.
At every single god damned turn.
So here it goes.

Finally.

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 23:09:51 -0400

A day without interruptions.
No flashbacks.
Medication’s side effects are always a bitch.
But it seems worth it.
So much to focus on for once.
It’s been a long long time.

Things can only get worse.

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 01:36:00 -0400

So bad.

Oh well.